I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
