i always forget guys have bellybuttons
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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