One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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