The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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