I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
