I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
