I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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