They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
