Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
NoShamevember. You game?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
