look no pants
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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