We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I deserve this hangover.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
