just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
