Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
