after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
