My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
