this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize