i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
