a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
