he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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