How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
