Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
