guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just google imaged poop.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
