So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This is the high leading the old right now
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
