does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
