Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
