we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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