After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
there was a trapeze. enough said
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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