It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The struggles of a small town man whore
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
