She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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