Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
