did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
