i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
