She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
