Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
