i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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