In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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