2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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