brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize