Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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