11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
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Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
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It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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