so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
