i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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