If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize