Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
