No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
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