i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
