i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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