You're a womanizer and a bitch.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
