I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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