either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
