smell my finger.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
