I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Terrible idea I love it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
