lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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