hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
