my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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