She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
