Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
