hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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