so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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