Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
