i think my mom watched the whole time
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
