Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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