So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
