yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
