My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
