I like my sex mixed with concussions.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
