Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
