haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
